Are Child Milestones Driving You Crazy? 

Jeanette Smerina
Syndicated Colmnist

COURTESY METRO IMAGES

I am the proud parent of a healthy, vibrant little boy. He has just reached his second birthday. My son is, if I may borrow from one of the time-honored clichés, the apple of my eye. He makes me laugh, cry with joy ... and want to rip my hair out on a daily basis. He is, after all, an active toddler. And while I’d like to think he’s perfect, there are plenty of experts out there who keep telling me he’s not quite on par with other kids his age.

Any new parent quickly realizes that milestones, growth charts and development quizzes factor into the equation of raising a child today as much as other key topics like breast feeding vs. bottle and choices in diaper brands. In fact, I look forward to my son’s periodic pediatrician visits even less than he does — and he’s the one getting the shots. You see, at each visit I’m given informational sheets (handy but overwhelming) and quizzed on my son’s development. For some questions, the answers are easy: he’s been weaned off the bottle since age 1; he’s not hooked on a pacifier or a “lovie” stuffed animal (although I’ll admit that he still sucks his fingers to fall asleep). Other questions I have dreaded: Is he walking? Talking? Enrolled in a 4-year degree program at Harvard yet? And the answers: 1) Didn’t take a step until 17 months. 2) Only recently has begun speaking words the average non-parent would be able to decipher. 3) Actually, he’s not even in a playgroup.

This makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. There have been several visits where the pediatrician has told me she’d like to have seen my son accomplishing a milestone by now, followed by a firm deadline and mention of a referral to a specialist if he doesn’t comply. Funny, these aren’t tests for which you can cram. And also, my son isn’t buying in. I’ve quickly learned that he does things on his own time ... period.

As if the warnings from the doctor aren’t enough to get me frazzled, I’m also vexed by the e-mails that get delivered to my inbox if not on a daily basis, surely a weekly one. For every child-related Web site to which I’ve registered, there is a “helpful” newsletter or tips sheet they send out to keep me abreast of my child’s progress — from eating solids to reciting all 50 states and their capitals. Let’s just say my son has rarely if ever met any of the standard milestones. Today, I patiently decode his first words when he should be on phrases. It seems every other toddler is scaling steps, while my little guy still wants me to carry him down. I often spend more time worrying about what I can do to foster his learning ability in time for the next well visit and comparing him to others his own age than making the most of just playing and having a good time.

I do understand these guidelines are out there to serve as an early diagnosis for children who may have real developmental delay. I just want a little break; he always catches up. And so what if he can’t utter “milk” or his own name? He says “batteries” when his toys run out of power and has learned the word, “mine” much to my chagrin, showing he’s right on schedule for the “terrible two’s.”

I resolve to stop reading the tortuous e-mails, comparing my son to his peers, and taking to heart the well-intentioned words uttered at the pediatrician’s office. And if you are a parent in the same situation, know you are not alone. My little boy will get around to everything in due time. He has a lifetime of making the grade and passing the test. For now, I’m content to just let him be an inquisitive and lovable kid.

Sibling Rivalry 

Having two or more young children in a household can be a huge task for any parent. In addition to multiple mouths to feed, backs to clothe and cries to soothe, parents also have more relationships to nurture. Worrying about whether your children will get along is a typical concern for any parent with multiple children. Early childhood experts at Parents as Teachers National Center say children need guidance to help them prepare for change, sort through their feelings and learn to get along with others. Parents as Teachers suggests several ways parents can foster positive relationships among siblings.

Before introducing a new child

Start preparing your child and encourage positive thinking even before the new baby arrives. “Children are very keen to change and will know that something is coming, especially once mom’s belly begins to grow,” explained Kerry Caverly, early childhood expert with Parents as Teachers National Center. “It’s important to clue your child in to your pregnancy early and start talking to your child about becoming an older sibling.” To do this you can share books with your child about the joy of becoming a big sister or brother. Talk to your child about all the exciting things he will get to do when the new baby arrives and make sharing sound like fun. Encourage your child to draw pictures and help select toys and clothes for the new baby. Provide your child with opportunities to make friends and socialize with other children so he is accustomed to sharing and playing with others. Try not to use your pregnancy as an excuse for not doing certain things with your child like get down on the floor and play.  

After baby comes home

Once the baby is born, provide opportunities for your children to bond and create an inclusive environment. Help your older child feel important too by telling him how he makes the baby smile or laugh. Give your child a stuffed animal or doll so he also has something to care for and model after you. Your child will learn to be nurturing and see how important it is to care for a younger sibling. Encourage your older child to show the baby how to do big girl or big boy things like put the toys away or eat food. Let your child help care for the baby with age-appropriate activities like picking out the baby’s outfit. This will teach your child the joy and responsibility of being an older sibling and he will most likely revel in the opportunity to make and do more “grown-up” activities. It is important not to push your child into doing anything he doesn’t want to do, though; be prepared for things to not always go smoothly. “Your older child might act-up or misbehave to get attention or relieve frustration,” said Caverly. “Talk to your child about how he is feeling, express your understanding and provide comfort like hugs.”

Maintaining relationships as your children grow

As your youngest child becomes a toddler or preschooler, you might see your children argue over a toy or hit each other with blocks. You can correct misbehavior but try not to give it too much attention. Instead encourage them to work out their problems on their own. Applaud your children when they share and get along. This will entice them to do things to get your praise. Refrain from assigning labels to your children — calling one the smart child or one the athletic child — it will make one feel more special than the other. However, don’t worry about making everything equal between your children. Every child is different and will need different things at different times. Just be sure to give all your children attention and help each feel involved.

— Metro Editorial service