Beth Anne Piehl
Special Sections Writer

G. RANDALL GOSS/NEWS-REVIEW

Keeping connections intact after high school 

Sally Sanchez laughs when asked if she considers herself a “worrier” mom or a “laid-back” parent.

Since we raised our kids in these communities around here, people know us, and we would probably be described as ‘hover parents,’” said Sanchez.

She and her husband, Coz, now of Atwood, are parents of Kathryn, 12, Betsy, 16, both Petoskey students, and Daniel, 19, who headed off to college last fall — the first of their kids to leave home.

Daniel is a freshman at Abilene Christian University in Texas, lots and lots of miles from Atwood. Still, Sally says they stay connected by at-least weekly phone calls. Plus, a family friend who works for the college — and helped convince Daniel to apply in the first place — lives nearby and runs into Daniel often and provides updates to his parents.

It’s a scenario played out in thousands of families each year, when the oldest child leaves home and moms and dads tread a fine line of parenting from arm’s length.

“Anytime I need to send him anything, I just sent him a Valentine, for example, I always give him some words of encouragement,” said Sally. “Just don’t quit talking. I do think kids still listen. As soon as he gets married, then I need to back off, but right now we’re still the key adults in his life.”

Parenting from a distance

Most parents find themselves with some anxiety when faced with letting a child go out into the world on his or her own. How will they handle peer pressure when it comes to drugs and alcohol? What about sex? Will their grades hold up? Are they being responsible with money? Is their college roommate normal and a good influence?

Sanchez said she felt some relief from her worries after attending parenting sessions at Abilene when the family dropped Daniel off last fall. The school requires that all first-year students — even those who live nearby — live on campus, and lectures are held so parents know what programs are in place for ensuring student safety.

“It was really wonderful,” said Sally, adding that it would be a benefit at all colleges, but currently such parent-initiation isn’t done everywhere.

At Abilene, for instance, an SOS System is available for parents to call at any time if they are concerned about their child, anything from a potential eating disorder to a student who is struggling socially or academically. “Especially being so far away, that was a real comfort,” said Sanchez.

With a strong family relationship in place, Sanchez said she feels comfortable that Daniel will succeed, even away from home.
“Time will tell, he’s only a freshman,” she said. “A lot of the stuff we won’t know about for 10 years.”

Alcohol and drug concerns

Temptation is plenty on America’s college campuses, and whether or not their children will be popular on the party circuit is a valid concern of many parents.

In Michigan, a statewide coalition of higher education institutions, organizations and agencies interested in alcohol, tobacco and other drug prevention among college students have banded together to form the Michigan Campus and Community Coalition for Prevention.

The coalition works to increase availability of and participation in alcohol-free social options and to shift attitudes that the campus is the place where high-risk alcohol consumption is the norm. Decreasing alcohol availability and strict enforcement of state and local laws are also on the task force agenda.

Campus Connections is another Michigan initiative in place at many universities, a program committed to helping entering freshman make a successful transition to college without alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.

Many campuses provide for alcohol- and smoke-free housing, and almost all campuses in the state provide alcohol- and smoke-free social alternatives.

For information about campus initiatives, contact the Prevention Network at (800) 968-4968, or e-mail campus@ preventionnetwork.org.