Beth Anne Piehl
Special Sections Writer

COURTESY PHOTO

Native Americans have many special customs to pass on to future generations, and when it comes to parenting traditions and raising children, the bond of extended family helping out is one of the strongest.

One of the things I fall back on is my relationship with my mother and my aunts,” said Harbor Springs resident Kiki Keller, mom of newborn Gimiwanokwe Keller, 3 months, a 7-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son.

While the tradition of families living near each other and helping out new parents is disappearing in non-native cultures, it is a link that has persisted among tribes for centuries and into today’s modern world, local Native Americans say.

Continued Keller, 31, a Cahuilla Indian from Southern California: “We were always told that your mother’s sisters are all your mothers. When I have a problem, I get on the phone and I call either my mother or my aunt. We’ve always had a close family bond. I know that I can count on them.”

Carla McFall, the Little Traverse Bay Bands of Odawa Indians language program coordinator, shared similar sentiments about the familial ties found among Native Americans.

“The ‘nuclear family’ is not as typical in our culture, because our families often encompass what is referred to as ‘extended family,’” McFall said. “It is common for households to include more than two generations. Grandparents, uncles and aunties share in the responsibilities of raising children.”

That includes giving discipline and sharing life lessons, which children discover through observation and communal participation.
“All members are valuable and the child begins to contribute, in some form, to family responsibilities as soon as he or she is able — developing skills, belonging, pride,” McFall said. “This carries over into our value system, our motivation to succeed, to learn, to do well, to graduate. It is spurred by wanting to make positive contributions to our people, family, clan, community.”

Enduring traditions

In some native cultures, parenting traditions continue to be passed down to the benefit of the tribe’s legacy. Keller said in her family, traditional storytelling with the children doesn’t always involve books.
“When we lay down at night, and especially in the wintertime, instead of reading a book together I tell the stories that were passed on to me when I was little,” Keller said.

The topic of language is another traditional effort that many Native American families are trying to keep alive in changing times. In the Keller home, where Kiki’s husband and father are Odawa, they are hoping to educate their children and themselves in the traditional Anishnabemowin language of their ancestors. “It is something that has been lost on both my side and my husband’s side, and it’s something we would like to bring back.”

One tradition they have maintained is the cradleboard, which was made by Kiki’s father.

“I was actually carried around in one for the first eight months. They’re supposed to be used for the first five months,” Keller said. “It is a tradition my father brought back for us. It was important for him to pass on the tradition to us, and when it came time for me to have my kids, he made me a cradleboard.”

Crediting the creator

Another interwoven facet of Native American family fabric is giving thanks to the creator.

“I was given these gifts from the creator,” said local Native American Cathy Gibson, regarding her children. “I do not own them, but I am a keeper of these gifts for the creator. He chose me and I am honored. I will do my best to teach them what I know and with the help of all my friends and relatives, we will raise these gifts of life into what they need to be to keep life going.”

McFall said respect for God is paramount in native cultures. “My thoughts on native parenting first turn to respect. We are taught respect for all that the creator, God, made and for the teachings or instructions given to us by the creator.”

That respect is carried through to all things in nature, McFall said. “We are taught to have respect for all people, especially for children, elders and those people who the creator made special, such as the handicapped, unique or ill,” she said.

McFall said many Native American families today are still practicing, seeking or re-learning their culture and language, and many are going back to the traditional way of worship. Through that journey, the common threads that bind the Native American parenting traditions remain woven tight.

“In parenting, all adults are responsible for everyone,” said Yvonne Walker-Keshick, the Odawa archives technician who has been active as an historian, traditional native artisan and teacher of cultural ways. “It is our job to set a good example … Parenting is teaching the young their responsibility to themselves, their families, their tribal community and to the non-native community.”
That involves teaching respect for everyone, regardless of age or gender, and also responsibility by all adults to help guide young people into become respectable adults.

“If my children were doing something bad, I would appreciate and expect another adult to tell them, ‘Stop! This is not our way,’” Walker-Keshick said.

Odawa department of commerce assistant Theresa Keshick, who has two children, Michael, 14, and Jordan, 5, agreed with the notion that it “takes an entire community to raise a child.”

“My children have several uncles and aunties who aren’t necessarily blood relatives. I feel comfortable when they need to discipline my children,” Theresa Keshick said.

The extended family members are also teachers and a support system for her children.

“Many of our traditional teachings are passed along this way,” she said, adding that she herself was raised Catholic, but as an adult, she has turned to living as traditionally as possible.

“The one thing my parents always said, though, was ‘to be proud of who you are, that you’re Indian,’” Keshick said. “I am very proud of that fact, and wouldn’t have it any other way.  I instill this in my children, with the help from my family and this community.”